DoorMats, NiceGuys, and Jerks

I suppose I do have a thing or two to share from my own ponderings on this matter. I have somewhat of a history of being a Doormat myself. I've come to several conclusions concerning the nature of this problem and possible solutions to it. The difficulty, of course, is in implementing such solutions.

First of all, I submit that the whole Doormat/NiceGuy/Jerk problem (substitute feminine or gender-indifferent labels as appropriate) comes down to a balance between the weights given to one's own happiness and the happiness of one's Significant Other.

The Doormat places too much emphasis on the happiness of his SO and not enough on his own happiness. This includes, but is not limited to the case of complete imbalance where the self is declared meaningless and /only/ the other matters.

The Jerk places too much emphasis on his own happiness and cares too little about the happiness of his SO. As the NiceGuy is quick to notice, and the SpeedSeducer is quick to brag, this is often (unfortunately) successful for short-term physical relationships.

Between these two extremes there lies a broad range of attitudes. Somewhere in the middle, everything starts to work out better.

The NiceGuy values the happiness of his SO slightly more than his own. here I am referring to the "nice guy" who might actually be successful as opposed to the Doormat described above. This is where I imagine the ideal balance would be.

People who have opposite positions on this scale will be attracted to each other, because they want to fulfill each other's needs. The extreme giver will enjoy pleasing the extreme taker, for a while. But it won't last.

People with the same position won't abuse each other, and have better long-term chances, if they can stand to be together in the first place.

Of course, the only combination that satisfies both requirements is for both to stay somewhere in the middle, giving approximately as much as they take. I doubt it is possible, let alone advisable, to stand firmly in the center. We all go through times of need when we can't give as much support as we take. The trick, I suppose, is to balance each other when necessary, within the limitations of our resources, and try to balance as close to the center as possible.